Self-care · Reflection
Take care of this thing that you are.
Self-care is not a reward we earn after everybody else has been looked after. It is part of our responsibility for being alive.
The person in your care
One thought has kept returning to me: above all else, take care of yourself—to take care of this thing that you are.
It can help to see yourself almost in the third person: not as a project to perfect, but as someone who has been entrusted to your care. We would not deliberately deny a friend rest, patience, nourishment, dignity, or support. Yet it can be remarkably easy to deny those things to ourselves.
Above all else, take care of yourself. Take care of this thing that you are.
This is not selfishness
Caring for yourself is not a withdrawal from other people. It is what makes care for them sustainable.
We can continue giving while exhausted, resentful, injured, or running on empty, but the quality of that care eventually changes. Care that destroys the person providing it becomes expensive for everyone.
A boundary is not necessarily rejection. Rest is not laziness. Asking for support is not weakness. Sometimes these are simply acts of maintenance—ways of protecting the person through whom all our work, love, patience, and usefulness must pass.
Self-care is not the opposite of caring for others. It is what allows that care to remain generous.
The ordinary acts matter
This is easier said than done. Learning to care for yourself can be a whole journey, especially if you have become accustomed to measuring your worth by what you can carry for everyone else.
The journey does not need to begin with a dramatic reinvention. Awareness and small steps are a good start.
- Notice when tiredness has become depletion
- Give your body food, movement, rest, and attention
- Say no before a quiet resentment becomes a loud one
- Ask for help before you are already overwhelmed
- Make room for whatever restores dignity, calm, and a sense of being yourself
The care moves outward
When we treat ourselves with patience, we have more patience available. When we respect our own limits, we become less likely to punish other people for having limits of their own. When we allow ourselves to be human, compassion becomes less theoretical.
Self-care is not the end of our obligations to others. It is their starting place. The care moves outward from a person who is still present, still whole enough to give, and not disappearing from their own life.
You are also one of the people you are responsible for caring for.
Take care of this thing that you are. It is the one life from which every other act of care must come.